you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
