they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
