i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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