Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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