OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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