When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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