i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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