i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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