shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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