shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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