Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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