i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
