haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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