Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
