Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
