Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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