Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We got so high we made milksteak
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
