I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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