One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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