so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
