Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
