I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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