dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize