He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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