I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
