She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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