I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
