He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
