I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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