This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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