She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
