would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
