I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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