Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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