So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
