I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
please come you make the beer taste better
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
