Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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