i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize