i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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