Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
