I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
love makes seman taste better
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
