i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
