You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
