Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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