I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
