I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
