both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
