i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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