the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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