I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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