Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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