Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
