you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
