the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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