Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
