Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
