sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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