I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
