hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize