Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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