I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
50% drunk capacity currently
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
