I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
