So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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