I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
