But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
