doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
