And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
