he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
