ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The uberlube is also flammable
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
