My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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