The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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