I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't turn off my feet"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
