Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
