I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
