The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You smell like stripper and shame
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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