Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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