You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
