The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
