I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
