i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Acid is not a monday night drug
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
