Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
