It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
