you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
