And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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