she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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