Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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