i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
