We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
