I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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