Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
